Its time to change again!

It took some cyclical iterations of denial leading to a random lapse of health for me to finally realize that stress was catching on to me. Added to the physical exhaustion aspect was the preceding emotional meltdown - a directly correlated event where all my pent up frustrations and anger erupted like a volcano. Holding on to things is not a trait of mine, or is it? When it comes to daily life no one can stop me from speaking my mind. Direct communication while not appreciated by some is good for the mind and soul because one feels best when what you think is what you say :) Unfortunately, to my surprise I do not apply this style well when it comes to human relationships. Family, friends and coworkers with whom I have an emotional connection I let things pile on for weeks and months until its almost too late. This in return catches by surprise the affected other person who then makes efforts to revive - often too little too late!

Leaving aside others for a minute, I think I have not even taken the time to understand myself for a few months. Back in April, I had an internal debate and then again in May but procrastination and half-hearted efforts in areas of interest resulted in meager if any results. Escaping seemed to be the easier route which is what I did through June-July by traveling and making merry while enduring an onslaught of work. The laziness and escapism is evident even as I look at my blogger dashboard - there are some dozens of drafts that were never completed, ideas or feelings that were never synthesized.

While procrastinating my personal thinking and thereby postponing decisions for my future has been my modus operandi so far; its time now for making some long due changes!!!

First, where did it all begin. Yesterday was a glorious Friday morning - there were no 7:30/8 am calls with international offices so I took my time to get ready. Munched on some cereal while reading the news, took a long shower and then decided to ride my motorcycle to work after a long hiatus. Of course this required some preparation, finding the gear (helmet, gloves and jacket) and going to a gas station to fill gas and inflate the tires. This is where it all hit me! The malfunctioning air pump machine meant it took me about 10-15 mins trying to inflate tires. As soon as I was finally done, and ready to take my long due (last year daily, now monthly/quarterly) ride I felt the world spinning and I had to just keep sitting on the bike with my head down on the fuel tank. Removing the gloves and helmet and opening the jacket made me realize how hot I was. After a couple minutes of stillness I felt capable enough to ride back home. Once home I ripped off all the layers to realize my shirt and jeans were completely drenched with my sweat. Some glasses of cold water and sitting in front of the fan finally made me feel calm. Few minutes later I drove to work in my car completely cold with high air conditioning and went on with life. But the single instance of a random heat-stroke or severe dehydration finally made me think hard.

Later in the day, I went to see my doctor who after making all the checks (blood pressure, sugar, hemoglobin, thyroid, EKG) declared I was in good health and should not worry :) What I learnt while waiting through the different tests was even more relevant. I ended up reading this article called The Rewards of Relaxation: Why Slowing Down Is Healthy in one of the magazines. It reinforced the idea that wasting time or doing nothing is good - it helps recharge the mind and body. It also explained why relaxing can sometimes be especially difficult for women who are efficient practitioners of multi-tasking, to-do-lists and getting things done. The final point of the article was that a task focused mind is not free enough to think creatively - "When we're engaged in "mindless" activities -- taking a stroll, listening to music, soaking our feet -- our minds are free to sort through the accumulated information stored there, making connections and finding answers that a focused, directed mind is too busy to make."

This Friday was the first time in 7-8 months that I left work early at 4:15 pm to go see the doctor but it was a step in defining boundaries between work and life. Ultimately, its left to every person in the work environment to look out for him/herself and protect oneself from a continued unfair onslaught of work. Its apparently never been a priority on normal (exceptions always exist in small %s) managers radars to monitor and protect hard-working people from being burnt out. After all taking for granted is a phenomenon in every aspect of life!

As if on cue, I took this entire weekend to relax, sleep, read, watch TV and do no chores; for once a messy home rocks if I am totally de-stressed! I also took the first steps to focus and think about life and my real aspirations not those artificially accelerated due to tags of $$$s associated with them. Fulfilling a fortune cookie message from many months ago that still adorns my bedside table I committed to "Stay close to your inner self. You will benefit in many ways.".

No major changes have been made yet the seeds have been sown :) I have ensured I eat proper meals and sleep for the sake of sleeping not out of sheer exhaustion. In August 2007, I made a lot of changes and all the decisions worked out in my favor so I am hoping my annual 2008 retreat and the subsequent changes will all help me grow in the right directions towards a more fulfilling life!

Tough Life means Happy Times!

Okay! I'll admit it - I am sweating it! When a friend warned me that this triathlon business is a lifestyle change I didn't really pay too much attention. I have been a bad athlete life long; 2 years ago I decided I was going to overcome my body's deficiencies and not let it dissuade me from doing sporty stuff going forward. A few days ago I thought - so it will get tough for a few days, I can deal with this triathlon training. Can I? Really, I think I'm just barely getting by!

Yesterday was day 1 in the awesome Team in Training program I have signed up for. After 2 hours of running/exercise workout with the team I came home all peppy. A hot shower and 1 hour later I realized I was half dead :) Sleepily yawning at 11:30 pm, I thought it would be great to hit the bed early and snore. Alas, this lazy body was too tired and sore to relax!

Today was day 2, a 45 minute afternoon swim made me realize how out of shape and technique I am. In 2004, my swimming style was great - I had just taken a class which had helped improve my breathing, arm action, flotation and most importantly I had learnt to swim without expending too much energy. The coach kept reiterating that if I swam in a relaxed state I was going to feel much better and swim much longer than when I swam super fast flailing my arms and legs for the love of God. Its the same for running - I now know that to run at my pace and endure longer distances is better than running 100 meters at my fastest speed.

I had retained some of the swimming know-how till 2005 when I actually lived a stone's throw away from Pacific Beach, CA or as they call it in local San Diego lingo PB. But having used the 7 pools (I know!) in my apartment complex no more than once or twice per month has its effects after all. Today was disastrous - I could barely finish 1 lap and I was exhausted. Although, I kept going I knew that I was using up way too much energy than needed to travel the distance of the pool. Wayworn with the aquatic trek, I showered and was all set for the evening work meetings. Lo and behold within an hour I was crashing with immense energy loss!!

I tried eating, sleeping, relaxing - nothing worked; I was literally energy deficient. This lead to reading about good diets after working out. Certain interesting links presented themselves:
Got Milk? Try Chocolate After Your Workout
Triathlon for Weightloss? Part 3: How to Eat

On the swimming and triathlon bit some more links showed up:
Things I Pretend Before, During, and After a Swim
Why Not Tri?

While I spent most of today recovering from bad/sour events happening around me telling myself - "You work at a smile and you go for a ride", lines from a popular song "You had a bad day" by Daniel Powter; I really started believing each day is gloriously great this evening! :) My sister casually announced over the phone that my 7 months and 2 days old nephew has started swimming. I was jubilated, emphatic and laughing at the irony all at once. Yes, while his 27 year old aunt is struggling to swim, my nephew is all set to swim for life - he is swimming without tubes, without help on his own! Supercool - bless his heart, he just made my day...I will do a triathlon with him when he is a teenager!

The night got better as I watched Megan McCormick unravel the treasures of Egypt on globetrekker, a show on one of the publicly funded channels. Can I have her job? Getting paid to travel and journal experiences is really my dream job! Just 1 show seen and I am already a big big fan of Megan, looking forward to more fun journeys :)

The day winded down for me restfully - the body is not so sore now, my nephew can swim (yohoo!) and I heard news of 3 friends getting engaged (congrats!). The world is indeed a happy place to live on, who said I was having a bad day and considering a move to Mars? :)

And the World Tour has begun!

I have found adventure in flying, in world travel, in business, and even close at hand... Adventure is a state of mind - and spirit.

Jacqueline Cochran US aviator (1910 - 1980)

My World Tour is a famous joke on me (which I don't mind) that comes up ever so often in conversations with my friends and family. The root cause: for the longest period of time I kept citing my serious passion/ambition in life as travelling around the world and writing about my journeys in foreign lands. Of course no one believed me! Planning elaborate vacations to new countries is something one can do no more than once or twice a year; in fact if truth be told it would be great to 1. afford and 2. manage one such trip every year :) given our chaotic work and personal lives.

I tried to be sincere to my conscience the past few years but couldn't see a lot of new places. Time and money were both serious Darth Vaders for my travel genie. Even the sights I did visit (see previous post with my world map to see details on places I have left my footprints), I was unable to satiate my travel needs; there just was something missing but its irrational enough that I can't point my finger on it. Apart from Alaska I can't say with surety that I enjoyed myself.

2007 is finally shaping to be the year of my dreams. I am travelling every single month this year and yes I am aware that enjoyment is not in quantity but in quality. But in my unique schrizophenic style I know I have to do it now, it can't wait anymore; if I don't release my adventure spirit completely, very soon it will be inhibited and then life and I will never be the same again!

Its not like I planned anything, in fact till today the only plan was to go to Canada to see my family. But I should have seen my travel bug coming. Last weekend, I ended up spending 2 hours checking out travel guides in a book store followed by 5 more hours of frenzied travel based web surfing. Concurrently, I spent a lot of time on Flickr admiring photographs of places I would like to see, mentally making my own list of places to see before I die. This weekend I ended up having breakfast in a quaint town called Tiburon followed by a trip to a lighthouse from the 1800s (amazingly still functional) at Pt. Bonita. I saw the lighthouse on the news again today as it beaconed and ushered in the 2700 passenger cruiseliner Queen Mary in to the San Franciso bay.

God and ideas are all hidden in small things. This simple truth became obvious to me as the world tour I had always only dreamt of; slowly and finally unravelled in my brain today. It all started with a young girl's simple passion and now she is going to make it happen - a full blown emancipation of her adventurous side :)

To make it even more interesting, unless absolutely necessary to compromise (which is a word I hate to use and execute on) I am going to follow some basic rules for all my trips:

1. I will travel by myself and will absolutely not degrade the quality and element of my trip to accomodate disingenuous friends :), some of whom always find the need to pile on!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862), Walden (1854)

Travel only with thy equals or thy betters; if there are none, travel alone.

The Dhammapada

2. I will travel with an open heart and mind, and talk to all kinds of people I run into. Akin to Borat I will aim to find cultural learnings from the different places I visit so that I can apply them to myself! The solitude will definitely help me relax, practice my pilates/running and do some soul stirring to come up with exciting ideas for the next few chapters of personal and professional life.

Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.

Miriam Beard

3. I will not over plan any trip, will try to appreciate natural and human beauty that comes my way and wherever possible will let my outgoing nature hold my reins so that my alter ego does not throw me on one of those introvert mood swings. Finally, if an opportunity to do good shows me a palm along the way, I will shake my hand passionately and do whatever I can to help someone :)

You must not know too much or be too precise or scientific about birds and trees and flowers and watercraft; a certain free-margin, and even vagueness - ignorance, credulity - helps your enjoyment of these things.

Walt Whitman (1819 - 1892)

More details on my exact Toyota/747 Diaries (if you will) still to come!

Note to self: Must read Che Guevara's epic journey captured in his book "The Motorcycle Diaries" and watch the movie starring Gael García Bernal again for inspiration!!!

My Countries Visited Map

create your own visited country map

Busy Bee

Time is Money; isn't it ?

WOW time just flew by these last few days! And what was I up to:

- Pondering a lot about career choices
Every few years we are faced with critical decisions that can make or break our professional lives. First there is the question of choosing a good High School, then which college to pick, what major and finally what career track. And if you go back for graduate school, there is even more pressure to make all those decisions all over again and this time hopefully bang on the bull's eye. There is some rome for error but not much to recover. Life is not that long :)

- Planning out the Great Alaska Trip
More about that in a few days. I will be posting everyday from Alaska so that I have a record of all the fun memories!

- Doing a whole bunch of crap
Cleaning a single girls apartment was never an easy chore and to make it ready for the parents to drop by; thats as scary as Fear Factor!

- Reading a lot
Online journals about Alaska and high activity in the North American Auto Sales industry has kept me hooked to the computer. By the way anyone planning to buy a car, now is the best time in 2005 to buy one. Employee discounts from the BIG 3 have also forced Toyota, Honda, Nissan and other dealerships to reduce vehicle prices.

And then there is also the fact that I have not been sleeping well. I ordered a ton of great books to read from eBay and Amazon and some of them just came in today so now I have even more distractions to keep me away from blogging.

More later...

Monologues of a dreamy, lazy and last minute traveler

So I am back to writing after a very long time, cursing myself ever so subtly about how I let my laziness overpower my motivations to spend time creatively rather than watching TV. When a friend told me sometime back that when he goes home after work all he wants to do is to lie down on a couch and watch meaningless TV shows, I had totally not believed him. But time tells its own tales and today I feel the same clichéd feeling myself on every single working day.

Getting back to an exciting topic, I recently went to see the newly formed country of Eritrea. This is a small country, an offshoot of Ethiopia that undividedly enjoys the coast of the Red Sea right across from the Saudi nations.

Highlights of my trip that I hope I will never forget:

• Sipping great coffee all over the country. Oh man, that was real coffee! Starbucks is nowhere near their bar on quality.
• Enjoying and at times getting annoyed over the raw and rudimentary level of services available to tourists.
• The ever smiling faces of the poor people of Eritrea hiding their real aspirations in life. Unlike Indians, these people are not at all fatalistic, which is definitely a positive for there are very few paths by which ordinary Eritreans can create easy and happy lives for themselves; given the various anti-developmental policies adopted by the current Eritrean Government.
• The gut-wrenching gun shelling marks that covered all over the walls of homes in parts of Massawwa, the port city.
• The people both to and fro on the airplanes clapping loudly so as to laud the pilot’s efforts in helping us reach our destination safe and sound. This was obviously very amusing to the non-local observers.
• The peculiar nature of the happy-go-lucky population which by no means could afford meals twice a day but somehow could manage to have a coffee or beer at the local café/bar in the evening. During the evenings, it seemed as if nobody was at home, the streets were always so full of people.
• The unique quality of every local presenting him/herself as a very well dressed individual never ceased to lose my attention. I even told my Mom that our maid was better dressed than us.
• The calm and in a way very slow motioned life there. It was more of an irritant to me but I guess in a way its better to lead a slow paced life rather than an ultra-high paced all American lifestyle.
  

There is more that I want to recollect and capture before I forget all about it…But time is my enemy at the moment….Hopefully, the next few days will allow me more time to scribble!