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Uhhhhhhhhhhh controlling people!!!!!!!
Tonight it was about being connected while traveling, especially since I was traveling alone :( :( Excuse me I didnt know I needed permission from someone to travel alone :-)
Yes some people like being connected with a cell phone to their hip all the time...I have a friend who always carries it to the bathroom also...I don't have any such passion for being connected...In fact I love being disconnected from the world, people and all the tensions that daily life brings us ....Isn't that why people love going to national parks and explore nature? All of us have done it - being unreachable while traveling...Heck we are disconnected while we fly :) Why then must I endure a conversation on how no one can reach me should something happen to someone in the family or vice versa....
When it comes to medical emergencies at home or abroad, the only person who can save you instantaneously is the paramedic or doctor....Everyone else is just moral support, no real help!
Anyway, our entire conversation lasted 9 minutes, we hopped from one tangent to another - anything the sis could use to make her point; my stress level went up 200% and in the end I was so upset I wasted another 15 minutes fuming and then writing this down...Why? because the next time this happens which will be soon may be tomorrow morning, instead of fuming I can read this post and laugh at the recurring and predictable phone conversations with my sister :-)
Controlling other people is something that comes naturally to most women, older siblings, parents and bossy people.... Never mind that the other person has his/her own brain, heart and all other body parts....Its just amazing how blind sighted one can be out of habit...I know it because I can be controlling too on occasion :p....At least I know when I am trying to control...And it takes a friend about 2 nudges for me to get the idea that what I say is not going to work on them.....High time some people in my family realized that what they want or how they do things is different from how I want to do things....Or this is a lifelong infinite loop as they say in programming lingo :)
Opasna's report on The Triathlon at Pacific Grove, 14 Sep, 2008!
Firstly many thanks to all the people contributed to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society on my request in 2007 and 2008. All the money you contributed is officially in the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's bank to be used for cutting edge research and patient support. Fill up your company's gift match form if you haven't already!
My Story.....
The cancellation of the Treasure Island triathlon in Nov 2007 due to an oil spill in the Pacific ocean was not fun. I had been training for 3+ months with my teammates from Team in Training by then and we had nothing to show or achieve at the end. Multiple fits and starts later, I got around to signing up for The Triathlon at Pacific Grove on 14 Sep, 2008 and this time I DID IT!
Many things went wrong the night before - from my bicycle tube's valve pin breaking off to mistakenly riding on broken glass on a road to a restless sleep.... On the day of the race, we biked a pleasant 4 miles from our hotel to the event at 5:30 am in darkness, super cool! The water was cold at 63 degrees at 7:30 am when my race started...The swim waves of participants go by by sex and age...In the water, I was unable to swim at my normal pace with all the people cheering, ambitious participants kicking each other and the adrenalin rush so I kept powering through expending a lot of unnecessary energy..On the bike and while running, I was a crowd delight....As I came close to finishing a lap and the crowd cheered, I gave them drama by overtaking people or just by sprinting and waving and shouting.....
I dont think I took a breath of fresh air normally (at my practiced exercise pace) throughout the race but boy did I have a lot of fun doing the triathlon!!! You can and should do an endurance event once in your life :) :) There are half-marathons and century rides and walks to suit everyone's interest! Next I will aim for an Olympic distance triathlon....Thanks again for all your mental, $$ and emotional support!
The Team's Story....
The Silicon Valley Team in training Triathlon team had major setbacks:
- Jim's lymphoma came back and he is undergoing chemo at Stanford hospital currently
- Doug has a secondary cancer and surgery is scheduled for Sep 22, 2008
- Don participated in the triathlon but had to be pulled out of the race after the swim and taken to the hospital for tests....
But they are all strong, fun and confident survivors...We are all very proud of our team honorees and hope for the best!!!
And whats most important is.....
Team in Training brought ~ 340 amateur triathletes like me to The Triathlon at Pacific Grove from all over the US and together we raised $1.2 Million for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society! Go Team! Cheers to more research to save lives!!!
Pictures of my fun ordeal can be found at
Slideshow http://picasaweb.google.com/
Click each photo http://picasaweb.google.com/
You can still donate towards Leukemia & Lymphoma research at
http://pages.teamintraining.
Something is wrong with me!
Its been a long day - started with a meeting at 8 am. And followed a waterfall of successive meetings and escalations and emails and running around. Since I am recovering from a flu last few days, I am completely energy drained. I have already decided that my heart is no longer in my current job so I must move on...So why am I still working? I have a million things to do - from triathlon training to vacation planning to .......Should have left work at 4 pm...
Something is wrong with me!
Its time to change again!
Leaving aside others for a minute, I think I have not even taken the time to understand myself for a few months. Back in April, I had an internal debate and then again in May but procrastination and half-hearted efforts in areas of interest resulted in meager if any results. Escaping seemed to be the easier route which is what I did through June-July by traveling and making merry while enduring an onslaught of work. The laziness and escapism is evident even as I look at my blogger dashboard - there are some dozens of drafts that were never completed, ideas or feelings that were never synthesized.
While procrastinating my personal thinking and thereby postponing decisions for my future has been my modus operandi so far; its time now for making some long due changes!!!
First, where did it all begin. Yesterday was a glorious Friday morning - there were no 7:30/8 am calls with international offices so I took my time to get ready. Munched on some cereal while reading the news, took a long shower and then decided to ride my motorcycle to work after a long hiatus. Of course this required some preparation, finding the gear (helmet, gloves and jacket) and going to a gas station to fill gas and inflate the tires. This is where it all hit me! The malfunctioning air pump machine meant it took me about 10-15 mins trying to inflate tires. As soon as I was finally done, and ready to take my long due (last year daily, now monthly/quarterly) ride I felt the world spinning and I had to just keep sitting on the bike with my head down on the fuel tank. Removing the gloves and helmet and opening the jacket made me realize how hot I was. After a couple minutes of stillness I felt capable enough to ride back home. Once home I ripped off all the layers to realize my shirt and jeans were completely drenched with my sweat. Some glasses of cold water and sitting in front of the fan finally made me feel calm. Few minutes later I drove to work in my car completely cold with high air conditioning and went on with life. But the single instance of a random heat-stroke or severe dehydration finally made me think hard.
Later in the day, I went to see my doctor who after making all the checks (blood pressure, sugar, hemoglobin, thyroid, EKG) declared I was in good health and should not worry :) What I learnt while waiting through the different tests was even more relevant. I ended up reading this article called The Rewards of Relaxation: Why Slowing Down Is Healthy in one of the magazines. It reinforced the idea that wasting time or doing nothing is good - it helps recharge the mind and body. It also explained why relaxing can sometimes be especially difficult for women who are efficient practitioners of multi-tasking, to-do-lists and getting things done. The final point of the article was that a task focused mind is not free enough to think creatively - "When we're engaged in "mindless" activities -- taking a stroll, listening to music, soaking our feet -- our minds are free to sort through the accumulated information stored there, making connections and finding answers that a focused, directed mind is too busy to make."
This Friday was the first time in 7-8 months that I left work early at 4:15 pm to go see the doctor but it was a step in defining boundaries between work and life. Ultimately, its left to every person in the work environment to look out for him/herself and protect oneself from a continued unfair onslaught of work. Its apparently never been a priority on normal (exceptions always exist in small %s) managers radars to monitor and protect hard-working people from being burnt out. After all taking for granted is a phenomenon in every aspect of life!
As if on cue, I took this entire weekend to relax, sleep, read, watch TV and do no chores; for once a messy home rocks if I am totally de-stressed! I also took the first steps to focus and think about life and my real aspirations not those artificially accelerated due to tags of $$$s associated with them. Fulfilling a fortune cookie message from many months ago that still adorns my bedside table I committed to "Stay close to your inner self. You will benefit in many ways.".
No major changes have been made yet the seeds have been sown :) I have ensured I eat proper meals and sleep for the sake of sleeping not out of sheer exhaustion. In August 2007, I made a lot of changes and all the decisions worked out in my favor so I am hoping my annual 2008 retreat and the subsequent changes will all help me grow in the right directions towards a more fulfilling life!
Who knew Southwest's Spirit magazine had a spirit!
I must have flown at the minimum 15 flights on Southwest and I never checked out their magazine....This time I had a 3 hour flight, a pretty serious book in my hand that didn't feel like reading at the time and no sleep in my eyes...So lo and behold I checkout Southwest's Spirit magazine!
The first article I stumbled upon was
Why Travel Solo
Adventure begins with booking a flight for one.
Next I found Regina Barreca's love letter to her aunts, quite a letter down memory lane.....
Then there was Survival of the Fittest
and How to Spin a Basketball....
Now there is one more reason to fly Southwest Airlines....its well spirited in flight magazine!
On surviving life
Life (2007-present) has been what can I say life - a roller coaster ride involving varying use of my brain's power, heart's strength and guts. The one to blame is obviously me! Who in their right mind would constantly keep taking on - new work challenges, new side projects, new hobbies, new people, new residence, and a million other minute responsibilities all at once? While I might have started this "change mission" consciously to discover myself, its only now - a year later that I realize that I am going for the overkill. Although, I have not encountered any major stress or strain during this new life that I have built, I've pulled myself in tens of directions simultaneously. Occasionally, when things have not gone as I would have liked them to, I have felt a momentary lull then moved on to the other [million - 1] things to do.
Off late a lot of things have gone haywire due to environmental or other factors which cannot be controlled. Since I don't believe in God or a supernatural element I have to find a root cause for all the chaos that has ensued in and around me. Using basic deductive logic, I am the least common denominator so I am responsible for the mess! Thereby the conclusion, I cannot do everything; I must not take on too many others' responsibilities; I definitely cannot do all the things I take on to the minutest level of perfection!!!
The funny thing about this new life is that I probably get tired/overwhelmed/anxious that my well orchestrated castle of cards will come crashing down once a month. But people who consider themselves my friends joke/worry that I am so unlucky that things keep going wrong with my plans. At such times, I internally chuckle :) for I consider myself lucky to be able to do a 100 things and bravely face the successes and more importantly the failures. Life is after all about surviving and if u can survive your journey, adapting to it with a happy and an agile attitude then its yours dream adventure.
While my attitude is break-proof, I have to find a way to tackle my various interests or how am I ever going to connect the dots and realize the aim and work of my life! I guess the solution is to find no new interests or new projects till the current ones are completed, close to completion or consolidated in a way that they make sense.....More on this after I mull over it......
Useful lessons from Meg Whitman's talk
- Enable, don't direct (simply put don't micromanage)
- Make size an advantage (its always easier to change direction in a startup)
- Disruptive ideas
- Price of inaction is far greater than the cost of a mistake
- Pick out companies where u r passionate about the product
- Take responsibility for your own career development
- Take risky choices where u don't know anything and can learn
- Realize u cannot be a perfect wife, mom, hostess and exec
- Know early on if u need intellectual stimulation
- Make trade offs - give up things unnecessary...her joke: she was elected as the worst dressed billionaire by some magazine..She couldn't care less for fashion
- Make mistakes; trial and error, be strategically agile
- In business, if u can absorb data, internalize various opinions and make decisions with 60% accuracy u r doing great!!
Long time no see, changes, Jawed Karim
Lotsa changes in daily life - new job, new house, triathlon training, fund raising, new toastmasters duties, savesantanu, side projects, new commute MOs, new lingo...through all of them life has been one exciting and adventurous journey.....can i pack in 1 more moving element, will the card castle come crashing or will i continue to flourish?
who says facebook, orkut, friendster and all other networking sites are useless.....most days they are good to waste away time or find a long lost friend or just fool around with ur mates....sometimes i stumble upon brand new information that connects to me in a certain way.....on a friend of a friend's wall i stumbled upon Jawed Karim on facebook....Intrigued I did a google search and found some background info such as With YouTube, Student Hits Jackpot Again
I also found Jawed to be one of the most entertaining commencement speakers!
Anyway, what I found most interesting about him was the humility of going back to school to learn more....inspiring indeed....
Movies, trilogies, etc.
This evening I did a quick Yahoo Movies check and was surprised to find that the new Bourne movie was on top of the list based on critics and popular votes. So the decision was easy - go watch it in pure trilogy/series tradition. For anyone who loves a genre, for instance thrillers or action or horror, isn't it a must to see your protagonist all the way through? I mean its fun to watch movies like Rocky and Die Hard III, IV etc.
Interestingly enough despite my best intentions I was unable to watch JB - houseful on the last show?! Dejected I was generally surfing the news when I stumbled upon Watch your back 007 – Bourne is out to get you.
This was a cool article, its interesting that Jason Bourne is giving James Bond - a now legendary character a run for its money and popularity. My vote is obviously with the more realistic, humane and natural (relatively glamor free) Jason Bourne! More on this once I see the damn movie :)
Tough Life means Happy Times!
Yesterday was day 1 in the awesome Team in Training program I have signed up for. After 2 hours of running/exercise workout with the team I came home all peppy. A hot shower and 1 hour later I realized I was half dead :) Sleepily yawning at 11:30 pm, I thought it would be great to hit the bed early and snore. Alas, this lazy body was too tired and sore to relax!
Today was day 2, a 45 minute afternoon swim made me realize how out of shape and technique I am. In 2004, my swimming style was great - I had just taken a class which had helped improve my breathing, arm action, flotation and most importantly I had learnt to swim without expending too much energy. The coach kept reiterating that if I swam in a relaxed state I was going to feel much better and swim much longer than when I swam super fast flailing my arms and legs for the love of God. Its the same for running - I now know that to run at my pace and endure longer distances is better than running 100 meters at my fastest speed.
I had retained some of the swimming know-how till 2005 when I actually lived a stone's throw away from Pacific Beach, CA or as they call it in local San Diego lingo PB. But having used the 7 pools (I know!) in my apartment complex no more than once or twice per month has its effects after all. Today was disastrous - I could barely finish 1 lap and I was exhausted. Although, I kept going I knew that I was using up way too much energy than needed to travel the distance of the pool. Wayworn with the aquatic trek, I showered and was all set for the evening work meetings. Lo and behold within an hour I was crashing with immense energy loss!!
I tried eating, sleeping, relaxing - nothing worked; I was literally energy deficient. This lead to reading about good diets after working out. Certain interesting links presented themselves:
Got Milk? Try Chocolate After Your Workout
Triathlon for Weightloss? Part 3: How to Eat
On the swimming and triathlon bit some more links showed up:
Things I Pretend Before, During, and After a Swim
Why Not Tri?
While I spent most of today recovering from bad/sour events happening around me telling myself - "You work at a smile and you go for a ride", lines from a popular song "You had a bad day" by Daniel Powter; I really started believing each day is gloriously great this evening! :) My sister casually announced over the phone that my 7 months and 2 days old nephew has started swimming. I was jubilated, emphatic and laughing at the irony all at once. Yes, while his 27 year old aunt is struggling to swim, my nephew is all set to swim for life - he is swimming without tubes, without help on his own! Supercool - bless his heart, he just made my day...I will do a triathlon with him when he is a teenager!
The night got better as I watched Megan McCormick unravel the treasures of Egypt on globetrekker, a show on one of the publicly funded channels. Can I have her job? Getting paid to travel and journal experiences is really my dream job! Just 1 show seen and I am already a big big fan of Megan, looking forward to more fun journeys :)
The day winded down for me restfully - the body is not so sore now, my nephew can swim (yohoo!) and I heard news of 3 friends getting engaged (congrats!). The world is indeed a happy place to live on, who said I was having a bad day and considering a move to Mars? :)
Another cool job
http://www.yelp.com/jobs#cmBAB
Wouldn't this be a cool local TJ (travel journalist) kinda job? Okay which one of my friends are applying?!
Toastmaster's Club Speech 5: Questioning Life
“Mom, why does the moon change everyday?”
“Come here. Our earth, this earth that we live on - goes round and round; the moon also moves in a circle around the earth. So we see a different moon everyday depending on where the moon is relative to our earth.”
“Uhm, okay”
Each of us has been that child and some of us have been that mother. When was the last time you questioned something crucial in your life?
Question! Curiosity! That’s what I want you to think about now, when you walk out of this room an hour later and every day of your life.
WHY Question?
Nobel laureate Bertrand Russell said – “In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.”
Russell was a British philosopher, mathematician, and above all an advocate for social reform and peace. Let me explain how he lived this axiom. Russell's first book, An Essay on the Foundations of Geometry, was heavily influenced by Immanuel Kant. Later he realized that the conception he had laid out made Albert Einstein's schema of space-time impossible, critical analysis made it clear to him that Einstein’s system was superior to his own. Thenceforth, he not only rejected the entire Kantian program but also maintained that his own work on the subject had no value.
What I want you to get out of this example is that change is life – we change physically and mentally throughout life. People, inanimate objects like the moon and the circumstances surrounding us – they all change! Given so much churn is it wise for us to assume that decisions that we made a month, a year or a decade ago still hold true??
WHAT Questions?
Gandhi said - You must be the change you want to see in the world.
During our younger years we ask, we learn, we assume and get influenced. A strong and confident voice does not develop inside of us till our 20s. This is the time to reevaluate dogmas and hand-me-down religions we inherited and put them in the context of our lives. We may find ourselves discarding certain principles while developing a strong belief in ideologies that we earlier followed robotically. Give a free rein to your voice -- taking the time to question life may be the best gift you give yourself.
Randy Komisar in his book “The Monk and the riddle” delves on the fact that life is momentary yet at some point we all loose track of this fact and start living with the intent of enjoying in the future. Why not simply enjoy the journey, live in the present? Po Bronson in his book “What should I do with my life” chronicles stories of 900 ordinary, non-famous people who extraordinarily changed their lives not by 90 but by 180 degrees. He does not throw any mantra or solution at you; rather he urges you to not dissuade your own calling. So think about the past, present and future. Connect the stars in the sky and you will see new dreams, plans and aspirations.
Questioned, now WHAT?
Shakespeare said “Strong reasons make strong actions.”
Once we start thinking we stop making excuses, avoiding problems and more or less we start realizing our faults and start resolving issues. Everything in life is a personal choice not chance, stars, God, parents’ or anyone’s fault – truly absorbing this can be a déjà vu.
In every situation, you always have a choice – think, take the right turn and rise to your full potential. Live life the way u were meant to live, go ahead give it your personal color for that’s the only way to leave this world with some sense of self contentment. Do something u always wanted to do – backpack across the world, write your own motorcycle diaries, learn how to swim, found a nonprofit; whatever it is that jump starts your engine, just do it!
Ever feel guilty about spending less time with your parents and kids? Make a change - they probably need you more than what the best hospitals and schools can offer.
As kids we pondered: Why is E=mc2?
As grownups how much time do we spend on introspection!!
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” is also something Mahatma Gandhi said.
Fellow toastmasters – When you provide me feedback today or later by email, more than my presentation; tell me if u self-reflected, tell me if u were a bit more connected with yourself …. Thank You
Fiction Writing Assignment 4: Dialogues in a short story
Tim felt weary with pain in his chest as he got out of bed. He took the liberty of a long shower to release his blues. I have one last chance to tell her, Tim thought as he felt the hot water bring his body to life. After ages, he took the time to get dressed yet ended up arriving early at Sheena’s doorstep.
“Aloha!” Tim watched Sheena with awe as she opened the door smiling.
“Hi Sunshine. You ready?” he responded cheerfully.
“Um, how should we do this – take my luggage or grab lunch and come back for it?” she said.
He was keenly admiring her cherubic face, natural brown hair, beady earrings, peppy clothes and her mood, which always a part of her appearance. Does she ever catch me glancing, Tim wished she did.
“We have plenty of time, lets chow first; we’ll come back for your stuff,” he managed to say. Maybe we won’t need to come back, he thought to himself
“You pick,” she said.
“Hey, I am not the one going to
He saw her sense his feelings. Was she taken aback? They had been coworkers and friends for a little over 6 months now. Did she think he was taking a blow as she left the continent?
“Oh dear, what’ve I done? Has the most confident and cool teacher I know turned in to an emotional friend for one day?” she quipped.
Friend, the word rang in his ears. I have to tell her before we head to the airport so she has time to consider.
Tim opened the car door for Sheena bowing gracefully as if he were a butler. “Guilty as charged!” he said.
In the car, a soothing James Blunt CD was playing. Tim was taking in large puffs of air to feel stronger. It’s now or never; if I let her go…
He stole a couple of fleeting peeks at Sheena; she was fiddling with her right earring looking away from him.
…she will never know! She is probably nervous about her trip and the enormity of change in her life.
He didn’t know that Sheena was at war on the inside at that moment.
“What will he say or think if I tell him I am crazily in love – with him?” she deliberated. She flinched as she ripped off her index nail. He’ll act aloof. Probably laugh if I told him that I fell for him on day one.
They were both quiet in the car.
“You know pal, I will really miss you,” Tim said awkwardly breaking the silence game.
“So where are we finally going?” she asked, completely missing what Tim just said.
Tim didn’t answer and fiddled with the radio. Kelly Clarkson was singing in a high pitch. Since you been gone….
Life is good
Where is this coming from? I had a weird day with an amazing number of things eventually going my way, which obviously has reinforced the idea of life's goodness in me.
I started the day late (my usual) at 10:30 am, was on my way to the city (as we like to call San Francisco) still in my 3 year old Toyota. When will I start riding my Kawasaki Ninja to the city? Confidence, where art thou? Reached my destination - the Indian consulate 10 minutes late but viola they agreed to let me in and accept my application for a mundane certificate! Come back in 4 hours, she said curtly.
With 3.5 hours to kill, I was in my adventure mode! I called a friend in San Jose for directions to her favorite sushi place called Blowfish. From a sushi point of view, I didn't like it much! Sushi in San Diego beats everything else I have eaten so far except of course the very spicy Dracula Killer roll that I had at Sushi Zen. At Blowfish, I enjoyed my white tea, the wasabi, free parking (yohoo), good service and the tranquility of my lunch! I actually thought thru a lot of stuff that was circling in my mind last 2 weeks. Cool kicker - a woman next to me was wearing my favorite tee - the Life is good brand :). As I walked out of Blowfish, my life was suddenly good - instead of chastising myself for wasting my life I had 3 strong plans in mind to make life meaningful!
Moved on to a Starbucks nearby, got very disturbed and frustrated with my online search results. I was looking for a 2008 research grant or fellowship to apply for in order to pursue some of my social ideas in Africa and Asia. To my dismay, 99% of US university/foundation sponsored fellowships are reserved for US citizens; even my own school Stanford is no different! The same applies if I would like my US school to recommend me for an international fellowship - limited to US citizens only. I thought - okay well, I can apply for these international fellowships with India as the recommending country; unfortunately in order to qualify person must be residing currently and immediate past 2 years in India :(! My manic search, terror and frustration had no limit as I kept looking and looking till I found a few grants which said "citizenship no bar". The reality of my situation stuck with me for a few hours - I've been living in US for last 5 years, my parents have been in Africa for a decade and my sister has been in US and Canada; maybe I am just a global citizen?!
For anyone interested here is a list of websites (in no order) to checkout for social fellowships/grants:
http://chronicle.com/cgi2-bin
http://www.ierf.org/grants.asp
http://www.scholarshipsinindia
http://www.globalartsvillage
http://daily.stanford.edu
http://www.stanford.edu/dept
http://www.pdsoros.org/about
http://www.yale.edu/iefp
http://www.yale.edu/macmillan
http://library.stanford.edu
http://www.gsb.stanford.edu
http://www.socialedge.org
http://www.ashoka.org/team
http://draperrichards.org
http://www.ksg.harvard.edu
http://www.acumenfund.org
http://www.globalknowledge.org
http://www.ysei.org/?q=node/7
http://socialvc.net/index.cfm
http://www.skollfoundation.org
http://www.idealist.org/career
Last minute delays ensued due to my disbelief at Google on not providing useful answers to my fellowship question! Further, as expected traffic jams on Vanness ensured I was late even to pick my passport at the consulate. The lady helping me bickered in English "Indians are always late", I smiled, reviewed the certificate and told her the passport number on the certificate was wrong. She asked me to wait as she had the corrections made. This time she bickered in Gujarati to her colleague! Of course I understood every freaking word she said, the fact that I don't look Gujarati goes a long way in amusing me :) Laugh Out Loud!
With all the documents in hand I was headed home, a good view of the ocean persuaded me to get lost. I drove aimlessly for 30 minutes before landing at Cafe Lo Cubano. I realized the only 2 times I have truly enjoyed San Francisco is when I have wandered aimlessly - today and last year for my "Out of the Darkness Overnight" marathon!
Some more espresso, 2 more hours of search this time for non-profit jobs and nothing! Unrelenting unrest was building up inside me as I found myself locked in my current life. The brick house with bricks literally jutting out at the intersection of Presidio and Clay give me a few minutes of amusement relief. Later, the passive aggression I directed at myself was unbelievable - I was already at Foster City before I got out of my dazed driving. And eureka, it hit me (no, not a car)! I had an idea - this changes everything...I am no more locked, the wings are out and ready to fly! The sky is blue and beautiful, there are clusters of white and black clouds but now I have a destination, navigating through is just the fun execution part :)
Fiction Writing Assignment 3: Conflicts in a short story
Teachers without Borders 3
Tonight it was Sheena’s turn to pick a restaurant for Foodie Fridays; Tim and Sister Rosa had assigned a code name to their weekly dinner together. Food was important to both of them. Most Fridays, they went to one their favorite Asian restaurants and enjoyed food over school politics. Sheena wanted things to be different today; she planned to seek advice on her foundation idea from both her comrades. So she chose an upscale Italian restaurant with spotty service and large booths.
They arrived separately. Sister Rosa and Tim were a little amused as they walked to their cozy dark leather booth. This was totally not their usual hangout place. “Wonder what is going on in Sheena’s crazy mind!” exclaimed Tim.
“I smell some news, may be she found someone” said Sister Rosa.
Tim pondered for a second - “Nah, I would know. She can’t hide anything on that face of hers. We shall see.
With this fancy place, I bet its good news!”
Sheena walked in 10 minutes late grinning, her arm loaded with her huge jute handbag swung like a pendulum. She took a spot opposite Tim, piled her things next to Sister Rosa and immediately belted out “I have something to tell you guys. But what do you think about this place, it’s nice huh.”
The server came by Sheena’s side and politely asked – “Have you all had a chance to look at the menu? I will be happy to talk about our specials or any of our dishes.”
Tim chuckled.
Sister Rosa abruptly said “I think we will need 5 minutes or more to decide.”
The server shrugged “What would you like to drink?”
Sheena pitched in “Water with ice for all please. Can I also see the wine menu?”
Once they were alone in the booth, Sister Rosa nudged Sheena’s arm and motioned her hand and face questioningly. Tim had his right elbow on the table, face resting on his palm and his gaze fixed on Sheena. Sensing they were both ready to be shocked Sheena let it out “I have been exploring new opportunities in the educational non-profit arena and I think I might have found my next thing – this foundation called Skill, which is opening a new school a month in African countries. They want me to try something in
The server was back with three glasses of chilled water and a wine list. His keen judgment told him there was a serious discussion ongoing and he left them as fast as he had intruded.
Lowering her tone Sheena said earnestly - “I really want your honest opinions both as friends and academics.”
Sister Rosa’s face was snow white, as if blood had disappeared from her veins. She was plainly in shock and could not bring herself to say anything.
Tim said “Sheena this is great! I always knew you were thinking bigger and deeper but this is fantastic. I think you will be very effective in building new programs and spawning new schools. I have to say Mt Mary’s High School will miss your spirit dearly. Your students might be a little distracted for a few months, but I can read them your inspirational African letters.”
Sister Rosa fiddled with her knife and fork; she seemed to be looking for a dark spot or a half moon in her beautiful plate. Just then the server was back to take their order. Suddenly Sheena wasn’t sure if dinner at this cost was such a good idea.
Alternate link: http://fictionwritingclass.blogspot.com/2007/07/conflict.htmlFiction Writing Assignment 2: Characters in a short story
{For background read part 1 under Beginnings}
Sheena stared at the big old clock on the grey side-wall of the room; it was about 10:05 am, still no sign of Tim. Right then, Tim walked in to the meeting room with a bowl of cheerios in one hand and his worn-out journal in the other. He had his cozy smile, ragged blue jeans and a starched white shirt on. To Sheena, it appeared that he had come in high air, standing tall at 6 feet with all his convictions in tow. Sheena loved his confidence but hated such situations all at once. For a wicked second, she wondered if today she would be the winner.
“Morning, sorry I’m late” said Tim earnestly.
Sheena jumped back “Hey! I guess I should bring along a test or something to read while I wait for you”.
Tim responded with a stretched instantaneous smile on his lips: “May be you should; you say it every time. Do you forget or were you running late too? In fact, after your class finished at 9:50, if you went to the teachers lounge to pick up a few tests you would bump in to me pouring cereal in the break room and we could walk to this very room together starting this meeting en-route!”
Sheena wanted to shake the shit out of Tim for his nonchalance but he was right. Why did she let him get to her? It drove Sheena nuts that he was witty and smart; it felt like she lost her whiz status when she was with him.
By now, Tim was amused and making a funny face -“Hello Ms Day Dreamer ! Should we begin? We’ve already lost 10 minutes. So where were we on Tuesday?”
Before Sheena could respond, Tim answered his own question “Ah, found my notes! We finalized the budget and the committee members on the annual project. Today we should focus on a cause - possibly social and then talk to student volunteers who might be interested. Once we have a good project plan we can pitch it to Sister Rosa.”
Tim eyed Sheena to scan her reactions. She was in one of her dark days – black cotton shirt, jet black slacks and black leather boots. The only thing non-nerve wracking or even delightful in her appearance was the way her petite black earrings made her small face stand out amidst waves of short, cropped hair. Had he not seen Sheena in her colorful, cool and casual clothes over the last 6 months, Tim would have thought she belonged to some gothic band or cult.
“Look Tim - I totally respect and appreciate your passion for this project and yes WE need to decide on a cause. But what makes you think it has to be one of social significance? I would much rather lobby for an annual project within the school that helps our students and strengthens Mt Mary High School’s community – that could be the social impact you so desire in everything. You know charity begins at home!” Sheena blurted out.
Her style did not appeal to Tim - she was aggressive, rational but over-the-to-top dramatic. He decided to ignore the Hollywood style effects and focus on her message and think of an appropriate response. At this very moment, Sheena was biting her tongue and fuming internally. Once again, she had let her emotions dominate her calm, collected professional self, which she had developed after years of critical self-analysis and practice.
Alternate link: http://fictionwritingclass.blogspot.com/2007/07/character.html
Lessons of Life
A few weeks ago a friend of mine came to see. She was all excited to share her new found learnings from a life education class she had attended. I did not mock her, I listened to her attentively even asked questions. Somethings made senses, others seemed age old known tricks of the mind. She sensed my skepticism and exclaimed she had felt the same way initially. Nevertheless, a few logical ways of thinking that she mentioned stuck with me; I wrote 1 thought on my refrigerator white-board:
"Be; Do; Want (Get It)"
I possibly read this once in 3-4 days coming in and out of the kitchen but did not derive much meaning out of it. Last few days I had been feeling down, helpless and restrained from doing the things I wanted to do at work and outside. Today, it all made sense finally!
I Want to do X, Y and Z.
There is no point in me waiting around till people realize I am capable of doing X, Y and Z and give me permission/authority/whatever-u-call-it. Since I don't really care to lose anything why should I wait around fuming and wasting my energy and drive. Why waste the energy in selling myself to people?
Rather than Want and Wait I will Become what I wish by Just Doing the work that needs to be done. Once I have done it people will automatically realize what I Wanted to being with was valid and Give it to me. Even if they don't; heck who cares I will already be Doing it!!
Lesson 2 - Pain is real. U can either come out of it more humane yet spreading joy or bitter and spreading hatred.
Person N gave a speech on an offbeat topic "Why do bad things happen to good people" today at the toastmaster's club. She did not go in to an emotional overdrive; in fact she presented information factually and logically. We have all seen very bad things repeatedly happen to do-gooders, why? After eliminating several religious and age old excuses in the name of reason, she arrived at the point that it is not God who decides these things. God or an exterior power is not trying to teach a good person or anyone a lesson by doing something bad. Perhaps, it is just that forces of nature or the unknown do not discriminate between the good and bad karma. When a tsunami strikes a coastal city it doesn't impact just the bad people, it kills the good, bad and the ugly.
Instead of looking at pain as a life sucking parasite it helps to develop a positive attitude in life and moving on from the pain rather than keep cursing God, people, circumstances, etc. The success that can be felt in arising out of sorrow and making something out of your life must be unmatched. It is our primal expression if we strive to make life enjoyable for ourselves and others by doing something meaningful with our time on earth instead of wallowing in self-pity and misery.
Fiction Writing Assignment 1: Beginnings in a short story
Teachers without Borders 1
The dazzling
During lunch breaks, Sheena avoided the teachers' lounge, she ate either with her class or under a shady oak tree in the yard. Quite the social bee, she knew all her colleagues in and out. She had all of them figured out in her first month: Mrs. Tyler liked to knit, her colorful yarn was strewn on the beige coffee table in the lounge; Mr. Bing was a coffee enthusiast and a computer geek - he lived for them; Mrs. Edwards was the only grapevine - if it were not for her there would be no personal details floating in the school.
Unlike her colleagues, whom Sheena thought of as the "Brady bunch", her students were an interesting challenge. It took her a good 6 months to understand the context in which they lived and how it affected their performance. By the end of the school year, Sheena knew what normal behavior was for every student in her class, which helped her identify anything different almost immediately. Sheena worked hard at constantly improving the quality of education in class while influencing students to raise the bar of expectation that they set for themselves. Most evenings she was the last teacher to leave the school - busy creating an exciting science project, assessing students' silly mistakes on their tests with critical scrutiny, tutoring a student who needed special help or writing notes to parents.
The heat was relenting as the sun went down, Sheena was a just mile from her exit but her mind was a collage of images - of Tim! Earlier today, Sister Rosa had introduced Tim as the new Math instructor at the staff meeting. Her body tightened as she felt seasick in her stomach, something she rarely felt. Sheena parked her truck in the garage, planned her evening for a minute – jog, cook, TV, handbag stuff, read, Tim!? By now she was struggling, what was so special about Tim, why was she flustered? Was it that he seemed passionate about his work, was it his charismatic speech or was it just a crush - she hadn’t had one of those in ages!
Alternate link: http://fictionwritingclass.blogspot.com/2007/07/beginnings.html
I believe I can fly!
with trees humming a calm beat
The trail went winding all the way
and a cool blue reservoir made my day!
Just walking down the Crystal Springs/Skyline trail last night was an amazing experience; the climate was simply put outrageous - high speed winds, serene noises all thanks to the waves and trees and a relatively small army of hikers on the trail. Although, I had company it was easy to find time to enjoy nature at its natural self all pristine and calm in my mind! When I reflect on such trips, I often question why people go to religious places to seek peace. Its truly the lovely woods that offer us the best refuge to attain peace of mind and body! I can't think of any church, mosque, temple or monastery that I have visited that have offered anything like it. John Muir was right when he said - "In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks".
From a relaxing Sunday evening to an action packed Monday - the day zoomed by without so much as a pause. The climax of the day was actually getting all the things done on time albeit I was literally running and panting from 1 meeting to another task! Came home in time to log my 45 minutes of peaceful run time followed by eating, relaxing and loads of laughing.
The sudden deja vu realization of the week for me is that Silicon Valley disgusts me in some ways. How? Why?
I am always complaining to myself that I don't spend enough time reading the news. Of course I hate reading the NY Times or WSJ, they are way too uptight for my taste and any of the op-ed columns worth reading in them anyway get republished. Skimming through a 1 day old SJ Mercury newspaper at home is an almost daily activity unless today is the D-day when I shall spend 2 hours to read the whole thing cover to cover, word to word and all of a sudden I shall be a news enlightened person. But then reading a newspaper doesnt suffice. You gotta keep up with the business world, startup world, stock world, war world, Indian world, etc. Blog world news is a no-brainer; I must confess I have feeds from at least 100 sites/blogs that feed in to my google page that I see N- times everyday but how many links do I click and then how many do I read - well thats more like tracking google adwords click-thru ratio and conversion ratio - very very low! So what does news have to do with my disgust????
One of the popular feeds today brought me to this site: valleywag. While Peter Thiel is a person I would like to read about, the content and presentation of the first few postings on this blog filled me up to the mouth with disgust!!!!! Does Silicon Valley now work like Hollywood? Is trash talk and gossip now news in the valley? We might as well start talking about Paris Hilton's jail ride/upcoming movie-saga/her dog/her purse and all such nonsensical matters in the same line as Peter Thiel's political affliation/property/drinking habits etc.???!!! Who is reading this junk? I was shocked to see some 600 views on the latest post :(
Makes me feel like shunning the business world and Silicon Valley and most definitely the habit of clicking on feeds from tech news blogs!! What would the world be if its habitants would not pursue their need to impress others or to be cool/hip/rich/popular/successful all at the same time? Perhaps, we could then live as naturally as the cool blue water, be ourselves and relish every moment of doing something we really wanted to do...
I believe I can fly and I will fly! Sshh let no one hear that :)
productivity and 4Ps spoof
found this amazing link somehow, somwhere on the web....checked out 3 to 4 links and they were all so useful...
note to self: be more productive, patient, proactive and passionate! these r my 4 Ps :)
the spoof 4 Ps are so much more coooler than the consulting/marketing 4 Ps: product, price, place and promotion
Manic energy, sleepless nights and more..
- priortize projects at work so I knew what to focus on when this week
- put my foot completely down and make a case for why I thought we shouldnt do project X
- bid on eBay for the object of my affection Kawasaki Ninja 250 cc motorcycle
- spend 3 freaking hours at the hospital getting some basic tests done (what is even the point of an appointment! American healthcare had put on its worst show...ahem sarcasm intended)
- attend a talk on Kiva.org
- do some work while struggling with a headache all thanks to the California heat and 1 beer at a going away party for a colleague....For someone who has never been drunk, such a reaction from my body leaves me shocked...
- do 2 hours of research on micro-finance in Eritrea
- rescue a friend with a flat tire late in the night
- come back and attend while meaningfully contributing (*rare*) to a late night conference call with our India team
- eat cereal for dinner at midnight
After all this, I expected to fall asleep and enjoy the pleasure of deep slumber as soon as my body hit the bed at 3 am. Instead, my brain experienced an occurence - one of those manic/frenzied/unexpected surge of energy moments. All of a sudden the atoms started colliding if you will and despite all attempts I kept thinking of new ideas for Janar on building Magis and site improvement ideas for Kiva.
Of course I had provided enough context to my mind during the day for these discussions to arise. I had a nice long conversation with Janar while waiting for my appointment at the hospital. Despite cash flow problems, Janar is very upbeat these days, has new plans, is back to his daily marathon workouts and an ever-increasing opportunity log. I think our new plan to tag team and make presentations at popular CA Jesuit high schools on all kinds of green and do-good topics is a step in the right direction. While selflessly talking about other non-profit ideas we can use the networking opportunities to increase assets under managemet with Magis. I am hoping that by the end of this year Magis will be close to if not net-positive!
Coming back to mania/fever: I had hibernated the laptop and was all tucked in when these ideas started popping in my brain - suggestions for Kiva. Of course laziness/procrastination won plus I didn't really want the guys at Kiva to think I was some crazy person trying to overwhelm them with 10 emails in one day. So I did the bad thing - after tossing and turning while drumming up things for 1.5 hours I finally dozed off. The first chance I got this morning at work I sat down to write all the things I had thought of. Lo and behold I had forgotten half of the ideas. This is bad, v. bad and its not the first time - since I like to write I have been in such situations before in the car, shower, meeting, lunch and even lounging on the couch at home; when random but cool ideas have struck me but just out of laziness I havent noted them down which means all those thoughts somehow evaporate and are gone forever. Never penned or typed down they are lost in some hidden cavities in my brain.
With continued nights of low sleep intake, I am hoping the brain tsunami will stike me more often AND this time I will be all gungho post-it note and pen all handy to write these babies down as soon as they occur to me!
Read these words on kivachronicles which struck a chord in me!
"If you're an entrepreneur, you should sound more confident than you are. If you're a social entrepreneur, you should be more inspirational than you feel. If you are an introverted social entrepreneur, you will face even more problems.
I struggled with depression for much of my young adult life. Sitting close behind a great optimism for other people lied a cloud of pessimism directed inward. In my short career in the corporate world, this pessimism would hang over me for weeks at a time. I would come home from work just wondering how I was going to escape the meaningless cycle I seemed to have fallen into. "
Further down on the same page one of the commenters Kevin Jones said...
When the going gets tough, the tough get going?
In professional settings this is almost a weekly scenario - something important comes up and viola most people start worrying. Perhaps, that haven't heard of:
- The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)
Directors and executives who come up with popular decisions or decisions that help build their empires/organizations are a dime a dozen, who cares about them! Yes they will make a lot of money but they will also loose friends, loyalists, respect and their own selves as they continue to grow in the very rampant corporate model.
A really passionate leader should be able to make tough decisions without screwing someone. The first time you make a decision that works for everyone but screws up one person in your team; you are doomed you are going down the wrong path and every decision after that you will find it easier to screw others in making the most for yourself.
So keep it human! Be rational, reasonable, sensitive and less selfish if not selfless! Be strong, do good and inspire 10 others to follow your way; make the corporate world a good place to work in :)
Marathon Musings
I kickstarted the preparation on 9th March: 1 hour of pilates followed by 3 rounds of the park. 1.5 miles in 20-25 minutes was not good at all but it was day one, so anything goes! I followed it up with running 2-3 miles everyday. Gradually, I was up to 11 minute mile runs.
However, I missed on my 1st goal - the Napa Valley 5K! Like an amateur, I ran the evening before and pulled my left thigh muscles. I planned with hope the night before for everything and even got up at the ungodly hour of 4 am so I could drive to Napa and run but alas the pull was still there in the morning. So I made the executive decision of not going for the run! It totally killed my spirit. Sheer dissapointment, I had even postponed a vacation around the 5k date; all that for nothing.
But I took it in stride, continued running and successfully finished the 5K fun run at work in April. In fact, I improved my timing to 37 mins, which is 1 min better compared to the fun run in August 2006, I guess thats something positive to be proud of.
Since then I have had binges of Forrest Gump days when I ran like crazy till my lungs literally were out of air and exceptionally stellar regular running weeks. But due to evening classes, work and a hundred other excuses I have not been able to run for more than 2 weeks nonstop.
At this point I haven't built the stamina or kept fit - basically I am failing miserably at my plan. My root cause analysis pinpoints that determination is not the problem here, its discipline. I lack self-discipline. So I must find a coaching program that helps me train rigorously and regularly. Hopefully, I can still make up for lost time and meet my fitness goals before 2007 is up!
im convinced that normal people don't become successful entrepreneurs. only people who really really need to succeed to make a statement or learn something or transform something through the crucible of business. each of my businesses was a step along a journey to become who i needed to become. my pilgrimage has been through business.